I Ching Hexagram54:Guī Mèi(Return of the Maiden)

The Ancient Wisdom of “Gui Mei”: A Lesson in Moderation and Etiquette

In ancient times, a woman’s journey to marriage was symbolized by the phrase gui mei, which translates to a young girl leaving her family to marry. The term gui mei is composed of two trigrams: Dui and Zhen.

From a symbolic perspective, Dui represents the lake and is situated at the bottom, while Zhen represents thunder and is placed above. The image of thunder above the lake signifies the dynamic motion of the thunderstorm—thunder rumbles from above, while the lake responds below. When applied to human relationships, Zhen corresponds to the elder son, while Dui represents the young girl. The elder son is positioned above, and the young girl, from below, follows suit. This symbolizes the young girl’s marriage to the elder son.

In terms of the hexagram’s virtues, Zhen represents movement, while Dui signifies joy (the harmonious expression of delight). Together, these trigrams can be interpreted as “joy through movement,” indicating that the girl’s excitement precedes her marriage, urging her to leave her family eagerly.

The concept of gui mei depicts a young girl who does not wait for her fiancé to come and fetch her, but instead, she eagerly returns to him. This preemptive eagerness, though admirable, disregards traditional marriage rituals and manners. The pairing of a young girl with the elder son—two individuals of significantly different ages—disrupts the natural timing and harmony of a marriage. Moreover, the girl’s initial submission to the elder son followed by her later dominance over him goes against the proper dynamics expected in a marriage, as the roles of husband and wife are reversed.

Hence, the hexagram is not named “mei gui” (a young girl returning), but rather “gui mei” to highlight the loss of etiquette.

A Modern Interpretation: A Caution for Women

The gui mei hexagram offers a lesson for contemporary women when it comes to navigating relationships with men. While modern society promotes gender equality, there remains something to be said for traditional courtship dynamics. The norm still tends to be that the man pursues the woman—not the other way around. Though women certainly have the right to take initiative in pursuing the men they desire, one must consider the potential risks. Women, especially in cases of breakups, may often bear greater emotional pain than men.

Thus, the gui mei hexagram serves as a reminder for modern women to temper their enthusiasm with a sense of propriety. While expanding one’s social circle and seeking romantic connections are natural, the eagerness embodied by the young girl in gui mei should not be mimicked. Women are encouraged to maintain a sense of dignified restraint to preserve their self-respect and the integrity of their relationships.

The Dangers of Acting in Haste

In the hexagram, the positioning of the lines from the second to the fifth is improper. The rigid lines occupy feminine positions, while the soft lines are in masculine positions. Though the initial and final lines are well-placed, the imbalance between the top and bottom creates an image of a woman overpowering her husband, a situation that defies proper conduct.

Therefore, the hexagram warns against rushing into things—especially in relationships. When the woman leads the way, she risks the loss of balance in the marriage, and such a breach of decorum cannot lead to lasting harmony or success. The hexagram’s judgment, “no benefit,” reflects this: hastiness and disrespect in courtship are ultimately unwise.

In modern relationships, the pursuit of love and companionship should always be undertaken with respect for established norms and a keen awareness of their long-term implications.

Line 1:

The Younger Sister as a Supporting Character

The first line of the Gui Mei hexagram is Chou Jiu (初九), where the young sister follows her elder sister in marriage, symbolized by the term gui mei yi di (归妹以娣). In this case, “di” refers to the younger sister who accompanies the elder sister as a companion in marriage. While the elder sister becomes the primary wife, the younger sister assumes the role of a concubine. This line highlights the subordinate position of the younger sister, placed in a lower, less prestigious role compared to the wife.

However, despite her lower status, the younger sister, symbolized by the yang line (representing strength), possesses innate virtue. The phrase “Bǒ néng lǚ” (跛能履), which translates as “a lame person can still walk,” suggests that even in a humble position, she can still fulfill her duties with grace and dignity. Her virtue is strong enough to sustain her role as a supportive partner, assisting her elder sister in serving the husband.

Though the younger sister’s position may seem unremarkable, the hexagram assures that, as long as she acts with integrity and virtue, her actions will bring about positive outcomes. This is why the hexagram ends with “Zhēng jí” (征吉)—a declaration that such behavior will lead to success and fulfillment, despite external constraints.

Example: Consider the bee colony. The queen bee holds the highest status, and the drones serve her to ensure the continuation of the colony. However, the worker bees—who are technically “inferior” in status—shoulder the majority of the work: foraging for food, building the hive, and nurturing the young. Just like the Chou Jiu line, the worker bee, despite her lower position, excels through hard work and dedication. She is praised by humans for her tireless effort. Similarly, the younger sister may not be the main wife, but her contributions, though humble, are crucial and valuable.

Line 2:

The Quiet Virtue of the Hidden Woman

Moving to the second line, Jiu Er (九二), we find a different type of woman: one who is virtuous yet constrained by circumstances. The line says, “Miǎo néng shì, lì yōu rén zhī zhēn” (眇能视，利幽人之贞), which roughly translates to “The woman with a skewed vision can still see; it benefits the quiet woman’s chastity.” Here, “miǎo” means having limited or imperfect vision, implying a woman who may not have a perfect or ideal marriage. She may be with an unworthy partner, but her personal virtue remains unshaken.

The second line is about a quiet and virtuous woman who, despite being married to an unsuitable partner, maintains her inner purity and strength. The phrase “Yōu rén zhī zhēn” (幽人之贞) refers to someone who keeps their integrity intact even when faced with adverse circumstances. This line stresses the importance of maintaining one’s dignity and virtue, regardless of external challenges.

While the woman may not see the full picture due to her circumstances (as suggested by the “skewed vision”), she remains steadfast in her moral convictions. Much like a person who can see through one eye but not the other, she may not have a complete view of her situation, yet she still manages to perceive what is essential, holding fast to her virtues.

Example: In the history of the Northern and Southern Dynasties, during the reign of Emperor Gao Yang of Northern Qi (529-559), he initially took an interest in governance but later succumbed to indulgence, neglecting his duties and ruling tyrannically. Despite this, his advisor, Yang Yi, remained committed to serving the people and seeking out talent, consistently striving to improve the state. Yang Yi exemplifies the principle of “miǎo néng shì”: even though he served a flawed ruler, his steadfastness earned him the respect of the people and the title “The ruler was confused above, but the government was clear below.”

This story mirrors the message of the second line: even when faced with unfavorable situations, maintaining virtue and focus on one’s moral duty leads to success, as shown by Yang Yi’s legacy.

Line 3

The Younger Sister’s Humbling Return

In the third line, Liu San (六三), we encounter the concept of gui mei yi xu (归妹以须), where the term “xu” (须) is used to describe a woman of lower status—essentially a “lesser woman.” Here, the line reflects a situation where the young girl, previously excited about marriage, finds herself in an unfortunate position. Though Liu San occupies a relatively high position in the lower trigram, her placement as a soft line in the yang position is improper. This imbalance symbolizes behavior that lacks decorum, resulting in the woman being deemed unsuitable for marriage.

The phrase “xu” implies a woman whose charms are not enough to attract a worthy suitor. Rather than continuing in her pursuit of marriage, she must reluctantly return home, lowering her status to that of a supporting concubine or di (娣), accompanying her elder sister in her marriage.

The lesson here is clear: Women must cultivate virtue and learn to properly navigate their role in relationships. Liu San reminds us that, without self-restraint and wisdom, even the most promising of matches can falter.

Example: Think of wealthy young women who, though born into privilege, become self-absorbed, extravagant, and unaware of proper social conduct. They may become so accustomed to relying on others for their every need that they fail to realize how unappealing this behavior can be to potential suitors. Such behavior, much like Liu San, turns a promising match into an empty one.

Line 4

The Delay of the Virtuous Woman

The fourth line, Jiu Si (九四), presents a different scenario: gui mei qian qi, chi gui you shi (归妹愆期，迟归有时), which translates to “the delay in return; there is a time for a late return.” The term “chi” (迟), meaning delay, suggests that the woman in this line is not rushing into marriage. Instead, she is a woman of great virtue, possessing both talent and wisdom.

Unlike the eager, youthful girl, this woman has a strong sense of self and is unwilling to settle for anything less than a worthy partner. The yin position, representing the passive and receptive force, is where she resides, indicating that she is not actively seeking a match but is instead waiting for the right person to come to her. She is like the Qian Ma (千里马)—a fine steed waiting for a worthy rider—or like a talented minister awaiting a capable ruler.

This delay is not a failure, but a sign of discernment and self-respect. The delay is purposeful, and while others may rush to find a match, she knows that patience will eventually bring about the right opportunity. As the text reminds us, “Qian qi zhi zhi, you dai er xing ye” (愆期之志，有待而行也) — her patience is a form of wisdom, and her waiting is an active, deliberate process.

Example: In the world of business, consider the Turtle Three Principles of Japan’s stock market guru, Kawa Ginzo. One of these principles advises investors to focus on stocks with great potential, even if they are not yet recognized by the market. They should hold onto these stocks for the long term, patiently waiting for their value to rise. Even when everyone else is selling, the wise investor waits for the rebound, and in time, the returns are substantial. This principle echoes the idea of “chi gui you shi”—delaying one’s actions, but doing so with a clear purpose and eventual reward.

Line 5:

The Noble Marriage of an Imperial Daughter

In the fifth line, Liu Wu (六五), the text refers to Di Yi gui mei (帝乙归妹), with “Di Yi” being the name of the Shang Dynasty’s king. This line mirrors the meaning found in the fifth line of the Tai Hexagram (Tai gua), where it is mentioned that King Di Yi marries off his daughter. Here, the phrase “Di Yi gui mei, yi zhi, yuan ji” (帝乙归妹，以祉，元吉) emphasizes a royal marriage where the ruler’s daughter is united with a worthy suitor.

“Jun” refers to the husband, while “mei” (袂) means the sleeve of a garment. “Liang” means beautiful or fine, and “Wang” represents a near-full moon, implying potential yet to reach its peak. The full meaning here is that the imperial daughter’s internal virtues and wisdom outweigh her external adornments, and her virtuous character shines brighter than the luxurious clothing of a concubine.

This line reveals the deeper nature of noble women. Despite the royal daughter’s position of honor, she does not prioritize outward beauty or lavish adornment. Instead, her focus is on the virtues of her heart and her righteous role in the marriage. She may appear humble in her attire, but her inner qualities are far superior, embodying the “moon just before full”—her feminine grace is nearly complete, but still developing.

Thus, the marriage of a royal daughter is not one of misplaced ambition or haste but a perfect balance of status, virtue, and propriety, leading to a successful and harmonious union.

Example: In the modern world, many women manage to balance thriving careers with their roles as loving wives and mothers. This harmony mirrors the “moon just before full”—they have nearly achieved the perfect equilibrium in both their personal and professional lives, but still possess the grace to continue growing in each domain.

Line 6:

The Fruitless Union

In the sixth line, Shang Liu (上六), we read “Nu cheng kuang wu shi, shi feng yang wu xue, wu you li” (女承筐无实，士封羊无血，无攸利), which translates as “The woman carries an empty basket; the man sacrifices a lamb with no blood; there is no benefit.”

“Kuang” refers to the basket used in ancient sacrificial rites. In traditional ceremonies, after three months of marriage, the wife would carry a basket filled with offerings, and the husband would sacrifice a lamb, using its blood for rituals. The phrase “nu cheng kuang wu shi” (女承筐无实) describes a woman carrying an empty basket, symbolizing her inability to bear children. Similarly, the line “shi feng yang wu xue” (士封羊无血) illustrates the man’s inability to produce heirs, as the sacrificial lamb has no blood.

The placement of Shang Liu in the yin position indicates a woman who is incapable of fulfilling her role in marriage, unable to bear children and thus unable to continue the family line. This reflects the importance of the union between man and woman, as the joining of heaven and earth is necessary for life to thrive. The inability to marry and produce children is seen as a failure to carry out the sacred duty of preserving the lineage.

Example: In modern society, fertility is no longer solely the woman’s responsibility; science has made it clear that issues with conception can affect both partners. However, the value of lineage and family continuity remains a significant cultural consideration, which is why many couples choose adoption to fulfill the task of raising a child. The ancient wisdom of this hexagram still resonates, as it highlights the importance of fulfilling one’s societal role and the continuation of the family line.